Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize