OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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