Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
