1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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