i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
