no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
