Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm like, not good at living.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize