who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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