You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
