Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
