Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
