god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
