Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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