I haven't been this sober since birth.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
