he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
