It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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