im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
