You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
