I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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