i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
