Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize