I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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