I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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