Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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