She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sext me about skeletons
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
