i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
