if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
