So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Less talking, more tequila
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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