things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i will never coherently bang her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
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If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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