I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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