A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
