How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
