Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
