We named our party play list daddy issues
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
