so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He? As in you personified your dick?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
