Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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