The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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