I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
