so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry about my life...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
