your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
