I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
