I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
