How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
