last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
