he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
