My cat gives me a boner
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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