I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
