NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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