Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
