At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
