I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
