you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
