So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
