if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
