All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
