Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
