I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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