I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
