So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
