JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
