I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
