Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
