I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
