You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked