Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
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How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.