Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities