I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Randomize
