You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
