Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
