Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me