the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
